#LongB4MeToo , I'm Outraged!!
More than two months after J. Dana Trent's fine article of confession, speaking from the rare breed of Baptist women who have managed to be ordained, I have finally been able to gather my thoughts to address her remarks. I have never been more outraged in my life. Where were women like Trent twenty-three years ago when I began an outcry that was read by thousands thru a series of articles published by Baptists Today?
Yes, confession is in order. From a host of my sisters who chose to look the other way despite my desperate attempts to awaken them. Women closely akin to the scores who betrayed me when attempting to advocate for the removal of sexual predators on Southern Baptist foreign mission fields, rather than sweeping them quickly under the rug as if that was the normal, healthy thing to do--same as the masses were doing back in the States with other predators. Yet, people were noticing and staying silent. That's what collusion is all about, and collusion with sexual and domestic abuse has been my primary focus as a former Southern Baptist woman, a former missionary, married to a socially liberal SBC seminary graduate who devoted two decades in hopes of abiding, hoping for change, before the two of us paid the ultimate price.
So, if you can forgive my outrage, Rev. Trent. It's not you that has me angry. It's the masses of women who have looked the other way and refused to join me in advocating for change. Now, though I've never gone away, I must tell you and other women in evangelical circles who may be listening that I'm still here--alive, well, and kicking higher than ever in my life, at 71.
In the next few weeks, my twitter followers will know more of the truth in tweets I'll be sending out, calling attention to this blog. I'll be talking about conferences I'm planning with some of my fine, courageous readers, including some who have been among the finest in the Southern Baptist Convention or other evangelical groups--women and men who have nothing to confess because they've also been trying to be heard and not one clergy woman or man has wanted to face the truths about sexual harassment that plagues at least 50% of clergy women. In fact, I believe far more than that in evangelical circles, based on the stories that have come to me since 1986, starting when I was also a woman in ministry, though not ordained.
Speaking out not only cost me. It also cost my husband. We "elected" to resign in order to keep our voices about the immense collusion in mission circles and beyond. We chose to go back to school to study why on earth people devoted to a denomination so steeped in misogyny could continue to stay.
1995 was the year that I wrote a series of articles, at the request of Jack Harwell, the former editor for Georgia Baptist who shared the same demise, speaking what he knew about patriarchy, same as my husband and I suffered when we chose to stand against the retention of a predator who dared to even prey on adolescent girls while masquerading as a "devout man of God." This man, now deceased, had been on the mission field for a quarter of a century, with leaders of the Foreign Mission Board of the Southern Baptist Convention (now known as "the IMB) trying their best to "redeem" him. One suggestion was for him to be sent to a "hardship post" in the Caribbean to live out the remainder of his years in missionary service, that is.
Perhaps Ms. Trent was only in her teens at the time of my 1995 series. She should know, however, that I have not ceased to speak out, same as Christa Brown of stopbaptistpredators.org, who followed me after I'd about thrown in the towel a few years later.
I was the first person contacted by Associated Press, from the floor of the Southern Baptist Convention in 2002, after the reactionary, knee-jerk declaration in St. Louis that came right after the Spotlight story in Boston became public. I'd had a huge part in the Spotlight story, even to the point of addressing the people of Boston on drive-time radio in 1993, right after the Father Porter conviction and immediately after the article was published that got lost and didn't show up until 2015 on the big screen. The one that told of at least twenty other predators in the Boston area alone, already known to the Archdiocese.
That was a drop in the bucket to what many Baptist leaders knew, however. Yet not one woman in the batch, among the leaders of Baptist Women in Ministry would dare join me in my efforts. They all chose to remain victims of one another--not just victims of the men who were oppressing them.
What she may not know: many of her predecessors were trembling in their boots in 1995, afraid of one another and even shaming their colleagues, saying "We can't possibly get involved in this! Not after coming this far!" This, after their editor dared to print an article in their newsletter and was condemned for doing so.
I went on to write for Christian Ethics Today, an article entitled Church Secrets We Dare Not Keep in 1997. This article helped to create a landslide of responses through another newly-created website advocateweb.org
Molly Marshall and the late Diana Garland, plus WMU leaders only a few years ago, all have known I was there. Diana and I were in conversation often and even talked to WMU leaders on a conference call, asking for funding for survivor retreats that women were needing in order to fly across the country to attend. The WMU couldn't get involved, we were told--not with funding, anyway. Not while "walking the tightrope" they explained they had to walk on matters like this. As I said to Diana, when she called to encourage me a few weeks later, there are far too many WMU women married to perpetrators. For that reason, they cannot possibly step up to the plate.
By then, my husband and I had more than survived, as anyone can see at takecourage.org , which has been reaching out ecumenically since 1997, allowing me to mentor younger women, some who have managed to thrive in spite of the community of "fear" that often speaks of itself as the "community of faith." Anyone who Google's "Southern Baptist" and "abuse" or "collusion" or "cognitive dissonance" would easily have found me. Yet, I believe Baptist Women in Ministry have either been afraid to search or have run the other way as soon as they discovered what I've dared to write.
Many women, in hopes of keeping relatively power, "went away sorrowful" like the rich, young ruler. Not the young women who had been smart enough to run to healthier places, though. Many of them, who would not dare to stay financially dependent on such misogynous groups who betray voices of courage, I've written about. You'll find it all, along with a lot of hope and shared wisdom, in Enlarging Boston's Spotlight: A Call for Courage, Integrity, and Institutional Transformation, released in May, 2017.
Included is how I got to know some of the key players in the Boston Spotlight story. I would take nothing for my rocky journey. I do not regret one action I've taken. Riches cannot be measured in dollars or cents. Or in the sense of belonging to groups who choose to look the other way, not even addressing gender-based violence from the pulpit for fear of the repercussions.
Before launching on to her next step, perhaps Rev. Trent would also like to read the story in my new book about how Dr. Foy Valentine, amazingly progressive as this well-known Baptist ethicist was, wrestled long and hard before he came around to publishing every word I'd submitted for an article he requested. The article entitled Church Secrets We Dare Not Keep challenged Valentine's adamant belief in 1997, which I'm certain was still the belief of at least 90% of Baptist clergymen--that even a small child, sexually abused after crawling onto the lap of a predator, was somehow to blame!
What Valentine did was "come around" in six weeks. However, most evangelical men--and far too many women--have not been able to find the courage to "come around" after a lifetime. I believe I know the reason.
Revealing that secret, which I have only learned from talking to thousands of survivors and their supporters in many faiths, may be too much for most readers to even consider. With courage, this secret that the majority of men and women have in common, could be life-changing, however. Not facing it may be the primary reason we have collusion.
If you're interested in knowing more, please email me through takecourage.org Though I'm not a crotchety old lady, physically, I'm fully convinced that the newcomers to this work, provided they stand in solidarity with those of us who have tried to lay a firm foundation, can turn the sandy pyramids upside down into something truly transformed.
Yet I want to be a part of that conversation. Please don't bury me in that sand, in the process.
Yes, confession is in order. From a host of my sisters who chose to look the other way despite my desperate attempts to awaken them. Women closely akin to the scores who betrayed me when attempting to advocate for the removal of sexual predators on Southern Baptist foreign mission fields, rather than sweeping them quickly under the rug as if that was the normal, healthy thing to do--same as the masses were doing back in the States with other predators. Yet, people were noticing and staying silent. That's what collusion is all about, and collusion with sexual and domestic abuse has been my primary focus as a former Southern Baptist woman, a former missionary, married to a socially liberal SBC seminary graduate who devoted two decades in hopes of abiding, hoping for change, before the two of us paid the ultimate price.
So, if you can forgive my outrage, Rev. Trent. It's not you that has me angry. It's the masses of women who have looked the other way and refused to join me in advocating for change. Now, though I've never gone away, I must tell you and other women in evangelical circles who may be listening that I'm still here--alive, well, and kicking higher than ever in my life, at 71.
In the next few weeks, my twitter followers will know more of the truth in tweets I'll be sending out, calling attention to this blog. I'll be talking about conferences I'm planning with some of my fine, courageous readers, including some who have been among the finest in the Southern Baptist Convention or other evangelical groups--women and men who have nothing to confess because they've also been trying to be heard and not one clergy woman or man has wanted to face the truths about sexual harassment that plagues at least 50% of clergy women. In fact, I believe far more than that in evangelical circles, based on the stories that have come to me since 1986, starting when I was also a woman in ministry, though not ordained.
Speaking out not only cost me. It also cost my husband. We "elected" to resign in order to keep our voices about the immense collusion in mission circles and beyond. We chose to go back to school to study why on earth people devoted to a denomination so steeped in misogyny could continue to stay.
1995 was the year that I wrote a series of articles, at the request of Jack Harwell, the former editor for Georgia Baptist who shared the same demise, speaking what he knew about patriarchy, same as my husband and I suffered when we chose to stand against the retention of a predator who dared to even prey on adolescent girls while masquerading as a "devout man of God." This man, now deceased, had been on the mission field for a quarter of a century, with leaders of the Foreign Mission Board of the Southern Baptist Convention (now known as "the IMB) trying their best to "redeem" him. One suggestion was for him to be sent to a "hardship post" in the Caribbean to live out the remainder of his years in missionary service, that is.
Perhaps Ms. Trent was only in her teens at the time of my 1995 series. She should know, however, that I have not ceased to speak out, same as Christa Brown of stopbaptistpredators.org, who followed me after I'd about thrown in the towel a few years later.
I was the first person contacted by Associated Press, from the floor of the Southern Baptist Convention in 2002, after the reactionary, knee-jerk declaration in St. Louis that came right after the Spotlight story in Boston became public. I'd had a huge part in the Spotlight story, even to the point of addressing the people of Boston on drive-time radio in 1993, right after the Father Porter conviction and immediately after the article was published that got lost and didn't show up until 2015 on the big screen. The one that told of at least twenty other predators in the Boston area alone, already known to the Archdiocese.
That was a drop in the bucket to what many Baptist leaders knew, however. Yet not one woman in the batch, among the leaders of Baptist Women in Ministry would dare join me in my efforts. They all chose to remain victims of one another--not just victims of the men who were oppressing them.
I went on to write for Christian Ethics Today, an article entitled Church Secrets We Dare Not Keep in 1997. This article helped to create a landslide of responses through another newly-created website advocateweb.org
Molly Marshall and the late Diana Garland, plus WMU leaders only a few years ago, all have known I was there. Diana and I were in conversation often and even talked to WMU leaders on a conference call, asking for funding for survivor retreats that women were needing in order to fly across the country to attend. The WMU couldn't get involved, we were told--not with funding, anyway. Not while "walking the tightrope" they explained they had to walk on matters like this. As I said to Diana, when she called to encourage me a few weeks later, there are far too many WMU women married to perpetrators. For that reason, they cannot possibly step up to the plate.
By then, my husband and I had more than survived, as anyone can see at takecourage.org , which has been reaching out ecumenically since 1997, allowing me to mentor younger women, some who have managed to thrive in spite of the community of "fear" that often speaks of itself as the "community of faith." Anyone who Google's "Southern Baptist" and "abuse" or "collusion" or "cognitive dissonance" would easily have found me. Yet, I believe Baptist Women in Ministry have either been afraid to search or have run the other way as soon as they discovered what I've dared to write.
Many women, in hopes of keeping relatively power, "went away sorrowful" like the rich, young ruler. Not the young women who had been smart enough to run to healthier places, though. Many of them, who would not dare to stay financially dependent on such misogynous groups who betray voices of courage, I've written about. You'll find it all, along with a lot of hope and shared wisdom, in Enlarging Boston's Spotlight: A Call for Courage, Integrity, and Institutional Transformation, released in May, 2017.
Included is how I got to know some of the key players in the Boston Spotlight story. I would take nothing for my rocky journey. I do not regret one action I've taken. Riches cannot be measured in dollars or cents. Or in the sense of belonging to groups who choose to look the other way, not even addressing gender-based violence from the pulpit for fear of the repercussions.
Before launching on to her next step, perhaps Rev. Trent would also like to read the story in my new book about how Dr. Foy Valentine, amazingly progressive as this well-known Baptist ethicist was, wrestled long and hard before he came around to publishing every word I'd submitted for an article he requested. The article entitled Church Secrets We Dare Not Keep challenged Valentine's adamant belief in 1997, which I'm certain was still the belief of at least 90% of Baptist clergymen--that even a small child, sexually abused after crawling onto the lap of a predator, was somehow to blame!
What Valentine did was "come around" in six weeks. However, most evangelical men--and far too many women--have not been able to find the courage to "come around" after a lifetime. I believe I know the reason.
Revealing that secret, which I have only learned from talking to thousands of survivors and their supporters in many faiths, may be too much for most readers to even consider. With courage, this secret that the majority of men and women have in common, could be life-changing, however. Not facing it may be the primary reason we have collusion.
If you're interested in knowing more, please email me through takecourage.org Though I'm not a crotchety old lady, physically, I'm fully convinced that the newcomers to this work, provided they stand in solidarity with those of us who have tried to lay a firm foundation, can turn the sandy pyramids upside down into something truly transformed.
Yet I want to be a part of that conversation. Please don't bury me in that sand, in the process.
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